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I took credit for his success. Like so many mothers raising fatherless sons, I made his life about me, failing to recognize there were things he needed that I just didn't have to give.

It wasn't a failure on my part or his part. It was simply a reality, a truth that neither his father nor I considered. My son's story is a familiar story.

It is the story of hundreds of thousands of boys growing up without fathers, with only their mothers' perspectives of manhood to lean on. Some of those perspectives are clear, powerful and loving.

They work well to shape a boy's mind and heart. Others do not. They are perspectives filled with anger, disappointment, vindictiveness, fear, shame and guilt that is impressed upon a boy's soul about who he better or better not be as a man.

All too often, these are the perspectives that pave the road to prison, drugs, domestic violence and arrested manhood development.

Shall we blame the mothers? Shall we call the fathers guilty? I suspect that neither would be a good fix. What needs to happen quickly is that parents must become responsible and accountable for the lives that God has placed into their hands.

The mother of a fatherless son must keep the door open. The father of a son must learn how to, and be willing to, walk through the open door to his son's heart and life.

All boys need to know what it feels like to have a man—a father—love them. Get resources for fathers and support for fatherless sons.

What problems created by "single" mothers that are not also the fault of the "single" father of the child? People keep acting like single mothers are something new, at least since right-wing politics has used every form of propaganda to condem, malign and create "self-fulfilling prophecy syndrome" in the children that are raised in single-mother homes.

Some things are instinctively male or female, some males are just not born with natural male instincts and have to act them out vicariously by literally watching other males.

I do believe that children do need the influence, presence and guidance of males, preferabley their own father, but also of females, preferably their own mothers.

However, I don't believe that EVERY male child raised by a sing mother is doomed to failure or will grow up wanting to wear dresses.

I think the "urinal" example was a very poor choice to put out as an example. ALL little boys have to become accustomed to using a urinal.

Most people don't have urinals in their homes,[even two-parent homes]. I noticed the child's age was not mention; I'll bet the child was not more than 5 or 6.

There are so many things that young males do learn from their fathers and other males in their life, but I don't think it makes or breaks how a male child will turn out.

Please re-read it Vanzant a former teen mom and a 2 or 3 times divorcee?? That's a great pile of personal baggage to promote yourself as a relationship expert Steve Harvey??

I think that the next subject Oprah's Life Class should discuss is the deep seated misogyny in the Black Community. Sista Yemaya.

It's acoming. She's just getting started. They are trying to force this sick pattern of Eurasia behavior down the throats of the black community-we saw what it has done to Africa.

Oprah is having an interview with the basketball player who came out. Oprah had indicated that the black community is more harsher toward homosexuality than any other group!

Skip to main content. RadioRaheem A1. The most toxic environment for a boy growing up is a single mother household. Many of the lessons they learn in that hostile territory growing up make them into lost, confused men with no defined sense of identity.

Speaking negatively about their father. One half of that child is the father and when he hears his mother saying negative things about him he usually the boy grows up doubting himself.

That they need to change a part of themselves to get approval of his angry mother. Saying negative things about men.

And they express that hatred about every man they come in contact with. Hearing these negative statements and seeing these misandristic actions about men and regarding men make little boys afraid of embracing their masculinity and their male identity.

One of the easiest ways to turn a boy into a Mangina is to have him constantly hear numerous negative statements about men from his mother.

When a boy hears that his mother hates men, he resolves to not be like them. Which is simply self-hatred.

One of the most dangerous things Single mothers indirectly teach their children is to disrespect male authority. Boys growing up to disrespect of their fathers have no respect for all other men in society.

Teaching their sons to disrespect male authority and male authority figures. When a mother teaches her son to have no respect for the authority of their fathers, it teaches them that men are not be respected.

That can get him into trouble when he runs into male authority figures such as supervisors and police officers when he gets older.

This is why many boys who come from single parent homes have a hard time adjusting to the real world.

Projecting anger at the father onto the son. Oftentimes these emotionally abusive blows knock boys down for the count emotionally before they even get up to become men.

These hostile and negative statements from a single mother can force boys to withdraw socially, and erect emotional walls. These walls prevent these boys from connecting with others and forming healthy relationships when they get older.

Not allowing their father to see them. Nor can she raise a boy to become a man. Boys need that relationship with their father to gain a sense of themselves and to understand their masculinity and male identity.

Without that relationship they often grow up lost and confused about their identity as a man. Bringing in substitutes for a father.

Only he can meet the emotional needs of that boy and because half of that boy is based on who he is and because he has some understanding of who the mother is.

Coddling their sons. Single mothers are the biggest enablers of bad behavior in boys. When their sons do wrong, they make excuses for them.

And when they fail in life, they bail them out. Thanks to their coddling, their sons never grow up learning they have to take responsibility for their actions.

Oftentimes, the sons of single mothers often grow up spoiled with a sense of entitlement and a belief that the world owes them something.

That makes them impossible adults to deal with. Inconsistent discipline. Along with coddling, the most damaging thing single mothers do to kids is inconsistently disciplining them.

With an emotional single mother there is no plan of action to correct the bad behavior in their sons or to educate them on what they are doing is wrong.

So the bad behavior often continues well into their adulthood And because boys never learn that for every action there will be the same reaction every time they never grow up to learn how to take responsibility for their actions.

Teaching boys to be emotional. This leads to them not being able to cope with conflict in life. A boy has to grow up to learn discipline and self-control in order to navigate life in the real world.

He thinks about the long-term ramifications of his actions and the impact on others. And when he acts on those feelings, he often says and does things he regrets.

A man who has no control over his emotions is more prone to go into a rage where he beats a woman who disagrees with him or says no to him, get into fights with men over silly things like a basketball game or a look in his direction.

This loss of self-control can cause him to be seen as weak by other men and make him a target for the abuses of both predatory men and women.

Not teaching their sons what boundaries are. And part of the healthy establishment of structure is establishing boundaries. Boundaries are imaginary lines in the sand that keep boys safe.

They keep boys from going too far and doing things that will hurt them. And a strong father teaches their sons what boundaries are at an early age.

Boys who grow up without boundaries cross lines. They take dangerous unnecessary risks. Not teaching their sons coping skills. When their girlfriends leave them, they stalk and kill them.

When they lose a job they go on a shooting rampage. And when life just gets too damn hard for them they commit suicide. Establishing a co-dependent relationship.

One of the most destructive things Single mothers do to their sons is try to turn them into a surrogate husband. In this co-dependent relationship, Single mothers attach an emotional hose up to their sons.

And as they use their sons to get their emotional and other needs met it literally sucks the life out of these boys, preventing them from growing up to become healthy, functional men who can have a relationship with women his own age.

Thanks to co-dependent single mothers boys never learn to get their own lives and become their own man.

Smothering something that prevents a boy from growing up to become a healthy, emotionally stable functional man.

It paralyzes him and prevents him from moving forward in life. Many single mothers often KILL their boys by choking the very life out of them with their constant nagging and hovering over them.

When a mother holds a child too close to them, it prevents them from going out into the world and experiencing life. This form of bullying often makes boys avoid women and avoid relationships with women.

Trying to run his life. Some single mothers often try to control every move their sons make. Thinking she can raise a man be a man on her terms.

Only a man understands what a man has to do to navigate life in this world. There are only some lessons a man can teach a boy about life, and women need to understand this.

Another mistake single mothers try to do is making their sons better than their father. This puts a lot of pressure on a boy and gives him an inferiority complex.

This fear encompasses every part of their life making them introverted and withdrawn. When boys make mistakes, they build the character that allows them to become stronger men with a tougher resolve.

Men who fail, fall and screw up learn how to get up, dust themselves off and try again. That failure is a part of life.

And every failure only helps him grow. Boys who grow up to become men who are afraid of taking risks. Men who are always playing it safe.

Men who are nothing more than cowards. Not encouraging them or supporting them in their quest to become independent men. Many single mothers profess to love their sons.

But when those boys try to do things that will allow them to grow up to become independent men, they shut them down or sabotage them. So they do things to keep them stranded in a state of arrested development.

Or worse, they fear that their sons will find out the TRUTH regarding the relationship between her and his father.

Not encouraging boys to embrace their masculinity. Single mothers often do their sons a disservice by not encouraging them to be masculine.

Instead, they shame their boys about expressing their masculinity and in some cases punish them for it. By emasculating him and destroying his masculinity and male identity, she hopes to get back at that man who she thinks did her wrong.

Not encouraging boys to embrace their sexuality. Many single mothers are ashamed of their sexuality because the relationship between them and their father failed.

So they teach their children to be ashamed of sex and their sexuality. Boys who grow up in single parent homes often grow up confused about their sexuality.

When there was nothing wrong with sex. There was just something wrong with the way she had relationships with men that led to her having bad sexual experiences.

Boys from single parent homes are often have no idea how great sex can be. Misled by peers and misinformed by angry parents they often have a negative perception of sex.

Sex can be a wonderful thing. When a boy is properly educated on his body and his natural male sexual energy he can share himself with a woman physically, emotionally and mentally and have a great sexual experience.

When this is not true at all. Following this advice leads to boys winding up failing at romance.

Most women choose their sexual partners and boyfriends within the first five seconds of looking at them. The Single mother may want a man who is their friend after her failed relationships with men.

But younger women who are functional and want a good relationship DO NOT want their man to be their best friend. Men who are in the friendzone are men they have NO sexual attraction to.

Telling boys that all women are whores. Many Single mothers express their jealousy at younger women their sons get involved with. Moreover, Single mothers resent the possibility that their sons will have a successful romantic relationship.

The goal of this shaming language is to make the boy back away from a possibly healthy relationship with a woman outside of her and continue maintaining a co-dependent relationship they have with each other.

Sabotoging his relationships with women. Single mothers often have no idea the damage they do to their sons every day.

Original Post. Originally Posted by sunnubian:. Yemaya A1. Originally Posted by RadioRaheem:. This is not something that only Black mothers do, nor is it something that only Single Black mothers do.

Whether or not a woman chooses to do this depends on the woman, whether married or single, Black or White or any other race. Who the hell are men that negative things can't be said about them?

If the negative is the truth, then. What, is it tht Black women are supposed to live in a fantasy world about other human beings if they happen to be men, and then teach their sons to live in that same fantasy world.

Black women do not say anymore negative things about Black men than any other race of women say about the men in their race.

I'm sure that he does not know even two Black mothers or Single Black mothers that do all of the things he has listed, probably not even one.

Or is it really that many Black men have not earned that respect because they have chosen to not be in their sons lives on a regular basis?

Where are these Black women that are teaching their sons this? Or is it in this case, the fact that because of the racist propaganda machine in America, that nearly every male authority disrespects Black men's sons, because they automatically assumes them as either criminals, violent, murdurous theives, rapists, drug dealers, drug addicts and lazy, won't work parasites on society?

Now, this is harder for any parent to do than what people are made to believe, most children instinctively love and respect their own parents, the key word here being "parent", the person who is in their life, showing and proving everyday their love, caring and concern.

But, the question is, Why does it happen? It does not happen out of the blue and for no apparent reason.

This is something that has been happening in all races of people where the parents find themselves broken up. Even in most of those cases, I'm not sure that I believe that most women dating or marrying men other than their son's father are "bring in a substitue' for his father, but is just doing what people do that are divorced or single, dating or getting engaged or marrying someone else.

Now, this is something that Black mother may be guilty of. Almost ALL parents are guilty of this. Race, marital status, income or culture has nothing to do with it.

Boys that grown up without the ability to control their emotions has nothing to do with growing up in a single parent home or a two parent home.

It has more to do with the personality of the person than anything. Some people are high-strung, passionate and are likely to not have as much control over their emotions as others, that's just a fact of nature, not nurture.

What other men see as weakness depend on the other men, what women see as weakness depends on the women. It is not as cut and try as the above phrase indicates.

I don't know any mothers out there that care about their child that does not teach the child boundaries. Boundaries are some of the first lessons a child is taught, even by the most inept parents.

And what are all these line that Black males raised in single parent homes are crossing that are not being crossed by males growing up in two-parent homes as well?

What are these dangerous unnecessary risks that only Black males from single parent homes are taking that no males from two parent homes are not taking?

Where are all these Black males violating people's personal space, while people's personal space is never violated by males from two parent homes?

And just how many Black men are out their 'stalking' their ex-girlfriends and killing them? And when in the hell has it been Black ment that go on shooting rampages when they lose a job; damn, now this writer is making sh!

There is no evidence that this is a common occurrence in the Black family dynamic. I'm sure there are occassions where this may be true with a mother-son relationship where they happen to be Black people, but this is so off the mark with most Black mothers, married or single.

Kocolicious A1. Originally Posted by Yemaya:. Must not be that many. The text described, to the letter, most of the ones I've known, as well as the majority of black men I sent the article to Esp those sons of this type of household!!

Finding a single black mother to, at first attempt, to accept some responsibility for their condition damn hear impossible Do you think the FOUR Black female prison guards that pro created twitch the convicted murderer are tell their kids that they selected a piece of shit murder as their dad Originally Posted by Kocolicious:.

TheRealDeal B4. Here is another reality that supports your response. Previous Story A state correctional officer has resigned amid allegations that she had sex with a prisoner.

Liaisons between 'sex-starved female officers and prisoners go on all the time,' says ex guard Brotha RR wrote Sho' you're right my sista.

One thing for sure, she has NOT abandoned her responsibility to her child. Someone said in a statement above about a boy pulling his pants down to pee instead of taking the aim.

Well I have girls. I remember when they tried peeing like boys. This behavior is called the penis envy-where girls try to imitate the way boys use the bathroom.

It is ridiculous to assume so. I think the important thing is to have same sex mentors in your children's lives with the proper supervision.

I came up in a village where I couldn't DO anything "wrong" without getting in trouble with somebody somewhere in neighbor who saw me. Back in those day, Uncle Jeffrow could reprimand you [sometimes slapping you on the butt] or Ms.

Ann can put her hands on her hips and tell you a thing or two but that's was because THEY cared and was a part of a close-knit community.

I understand that it is NOT like that anymore We have to be very careful with all this noise distracting the fact that while it is LOUD noise about much to do about nothing Hellllllllll no.

So for the brothers who always scream "I'm a man. How about that? Membership Required We're sorry. You must be signed in to continue.

Sign In or Register. A disobedient wife needs violence" - Father of two slams actress Chacha Eke for ending her marriage.

Update: Kano Police parade year-old mother who hacked her two children to death with cutlass because her husband married second wife.

Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of lindaikejisblog. Any woman who contemplates sexual relationship with her own child is the mother of all abominations.

Sacrilege is gradually becoming normalized. The fallen angels in the book of Enoch, has surly been released on earth.

What evil and pervert generation, May the Lord have mercy on them. I'm sorry, but aren't these two consenting adults?? After all, faggots say they're two adults who have agreed to be together.

If fags are to be considered, then this should too. Please verify your stories. The so called Malawian woman is a Bayelsan,a high level public officer who's only crime was marrying a younger man.

It is important for us to know that this is one of the signs of the end time. It is lack of fear of GOD that is responsible for all this.

May GOD have mercy. HE is coming very soon. GOD bless you. So children begotten from such unholy unions will now become their brother's children and their mother's grandchildren You train your son and cannot bear to see another woman enjoy the 'fruits of your labour.

Africa problem not be today oooh. Better remain married to your son than bewitch another person's daughter out of envy. A year-old man has been arrested in Thailand for shooting an ATM after he Naira Marley has canceled his planned demonstration to protest police brutal Yesterday a video of a Black American lady blasting a Nigerian man who spoke A six-year-old girl has died in hospital after being kidnapped and raped, sp Nigerian superstar singer, Davido who has made headlines since arriving Ghan Abby Zeus has once again revealed her reasons for always going naked on A video making rounds online showed moment a man cried out for help while tr Comic actor, John Okafor popularly known as Mr Ibu, has recounted the sad st African mothers who married or had sexual relations with their biological sons photos.

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3 Comments

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